:: mscheeve's mind madness ::

reflections part one. December 31, 2010

its been awhile since i wrote something/anything in here. and i think today seems to present a great opportunity for me to pick up where i left off. i have been blog-absent for about 5 months and today being the last day of 2010, perhaps its a good time to verbalise my thoughts in cyberspace. i just didnt know if i had lost touch …

so i challenged myself to something small & simple this morning - to write my blog entry in the last final hour of 2010. this way, i wouldnt have much time to re-read and edit what went through my head as i type them all down. actually i really wanted to see if there is a difference between editting an entry versus writing it as raw as it possibly is.

the whole day today, i kept thinking to myself – if i have to choose just one word to summarise 2010, what word would it be?

i started the year with a rather painful procedure. i finally muster up the courage to go for the knee reconstructive surgery and was bedridden for quite awhile. but during this period of limited mobility, i learnt so much more about the power of self-motivation, self-reliance and positive thinking. i will never forget how i felt when it took me 20mins just to pee. never take anything for granted and be thankful for all that we have, all the time.

the period of recuperation and rehabilitation in the next 3-5 months was both painful and encouraging. i recalled how each session of therapy made me cry yet after each session, the knee got better and better. yes, cliche .. but no pain, no gain indeed. perhaps i needed to go through all these. why? because i never knew how much physical pain/mental strength/inner willpower i have, until being pushed to the limit. with each day that goes by, i pushed my limit a notch up. so, never underestimate ourselves.

my career this year seems to have exceeded my own expectations. when i started searching again, i was contented with any job offers with a fixed working hours because i thought i should start on my journey to wear the mortarboard. and i didnt wana do anything related to my previous job. but here i am again, in the same industry but doing something totally different – which i truly am enjoying, despite all the roller-coaster rides. no job is easy – its oxymoronic.

i did get one wish came true though – with my current job, i travelled away from home and lived out of a suitcase. it sounds nice in the beginning but after a while, home is all i think about when im away. travelling for work is no fun actually, coz there isnt much time for sightseeing or leisure walks around the area. however, im really thankful for this opportunity and am not regretful of it at all. i learnt so much on this job – the struggles, the storms and the results. and the boss just told me last week, that this is just the beginning …

for the past 9 years, i have stayed on my own and this year, i made that decision to move back with my family. the mother is getting older and i really do wanna spend more time with her now. im glad to be back with the entire family again and look forward to more gatherings with them. home issues are never-ending, but i have accepted that every household have thier own problems and that the more we sweep issues under the carpet, the worse it gets. right now, things are not at all rosy at home.. but honestly, it would be too good to be true if it was!

on the love-front, everything seems to be going alright. we still do have our arguments and fights and disagreements, but we managed to pull through better nowadays. i think after going through a rough patch, we both learnt to be more patient with one another and to cherish every moment together. its been 8 years now .. and counting. i cannot ask for more than what i already have beside me now. im thankful, grateful and i feel so blessed.

this year is the year of friendship – gained and lost. i now strongly believe that we do not need to quantify friendships because the quality of it all matters most. over the past months, i have decided – knowing & unknowingly – who stays and who goes in my life. after all, the number of friends we have in facebook or the number of followers we have in twitter/tumblr does not mean that there is solid friendship in there. right now, i just keep those close to my heart, even closer.

its 4 minutes before the clock strikes midnight for the countdown … suddenly the heart beats a little faster than normal.

its finally here …