i think i procastinate waay too much.

i think 2010 has been an eventful one for me. the year has brought as many smiles and tears to me. but would i change any of that? no, i dont think so. the one lesson that 2010 has taught me very well over and over again is – to accept and embrace all the good and bad situation that drops in my lap, because the more we avoid and resist, the harder it is to handle them.

i havent really thought of any new year resolutions yet. in fact, im bad at making them and worse at keeping them. so im not gonna make them.. yet. perhaps when it comes, it will come. for now, im just gonna enjoy the first few hours of 2011 just relaxing and thinking when will this cough finally go away …

happy new year to all =)

so i challenged myself to something small & simple this morning - to write my blog entry in the last final hour of 2010. this way, i wouldnt have much time to re-read and edit what went through my head as i type them all down. actually i really wanted to see if there is a difference between editting an entry versus writing it as raw as it possibly is.

the whole day today, i kept thinking to myself – if i have to choose just one word to summarise 2010, what word would it be?

i started the year with a rather painful procedure. i finally muster up the courage to go for the knee reconstructive surgery and was bedridden for quite awhile. but during this period of limited mobility, i learnt so much more about the power of self-motivation, self-reliance and positive thinking. i will never forget how i felt when it took me 20mins just to pee. never take anything for granted and be thankful for all that we have, all the time.

the period of recuperation and rehabilitation in the next 3-5 months was both painful and encouraging. i recalled how each session of therapy made me cry yet after each session, the knee got better and better. yes, cliche .. but no pain, no gain indeed. perhaps i needed to go through all these. why? because i never knew how much physical pain/mental strength/inner willpower i have, until being pushed to the limit. with each day that goes by, i pushed my limit a notch up. so, never underestimate ourselves.

my career this year seems to have exceeded my own expectations. when i started searching again, i was contented with any job offers with a fixed working hours because i thought i should start on my journey to wear the mortarboard. and i didnt wana do anything related to my previous job. but here i am again, in the same industry but doing something totally different – which i truly am enjoying, despite all the roller-coaster rides. no job is easy – its oxymoronic.

i did get one wish came true though – with my current job, i travelled away from home and lived out of a suitcase. it sounds nice in the beginning but after a while, home is all i think about when im away. travelling for work is no fun actually, coz there isnt much time for sightseeing or leisure walks around the area. however, im really thankful for this opportunity and am not regretful of it at all. i learnt so much on this job – the struggles, the storms and the results. and the boss just told me last week, that this is just the beginning …

for the past 9 years, i have stayed on my own and this year, i made that decision to move back with my family. the mother is getting older and i really do wanna spend more time with her now. im glad to be back with the entire family again and look forward to more gatherings with them. home issues are never-ending, but i have accepted that every household have thier own problems and that the more we sweep issues under the carpet, the worse it gets. right now, things are not at all rosy at home.. but honestly, it would be too good to be true if it was!

on the love-front, everything seems to be going alright. we still do have our arguments and fights and disagreements, but we managed to pull through better nowadays. i think after going through a rough patch, we both learnt to be more patient with one another and to cherish every moment together. its been 8 years now .. and counting. i cannot ask for more than what i already have beside me now. im thankful, grateful and i feel so blessed.

this year is the year of friendship – gained and lost. i now strongly believe that we do not need to quantify friendships because the quality of it all matters most. over the past months, i have decided – knowing & unknowingly – who stays and who goes in my life. after all, the number of friends we have in facebook or the number of followers we have in twitter/tumblr does not mean that there is solid friendship in there. right now, i just keep those close to my heart, even closer.

its 4 minutes before the clock strikes midnight for the countdown … suddenly the heart beats a little faster than normal.

its finally here …

anyway, just a short note to mark this date – gonna embark on a new career direction from this day onwards. i have absolutely no experience in this new path im taking, but am gonna learn as much as i possibly can! new environment, new work culture, new expectations and new challenges…

*pause and silent*

ok, i just scared myself even more -.- totally nervous now. pffftt.

i have not been updating this space and i feel terrible. perhaps i felt stuck, stagnated and unmotivated in every aspect of my life right now. past month, i spent more time catching up on my reading, rather than writing. so technically i did not abandon this space, i was just doing “research” before penning anything down. okay, somehow that excuse sounds better in my head than in here. bah.

since our journeys starts with a single step, then i really think that today is the start of a new journey into the unknown territory …

*cue twilight zone theme*

…. hmmm that intended effect did not seem to work. LOL.

so cheers to something new!

when i was in school, i am not a huge fan of physics. perhaps it is due to the simple fact that my mathematical ability is just so-so and i can never understand why we had to calculate and experiment something that i cannot see or feel. i mean, how can i feel energy or acceleration … yawn.

chemistry was fun because the experiments always caused my teacher to have panic attacks – no thanks to the fact that a few of us girls are overly-interested in mixing stuff, despite being told not to. biology was educational except for the part i had to draw diagrams. hello? i cannot even draw a straight line with a ruler, what more the entire female/male reproduction system.

so, i survived through school and attained reasonable grades for science subjects, without being convinced that a combination of these three sciences will help me in any way, in my pursuit of happiness. until now. or to be specific, until i discovered how the rubber band theory is so much a part of our lives.

rubber bands are simple and uncomplicated product. why was it invented? i have no solid answer for that but i have loads of funny possible reasons why, going through my head .. hahaha! some cannot be shared it is amazing how this simple product became a part of our daily lives – at work, at home, in the car, at the grocer’s, in school, at the mall, etc .. they are everywhere. simple idiot-proof usage for many uses. we just need to get creative.

have you ever spent five whole minutes with one piece of rubber band in your hands? Nine out of ten people will probably think its an amazing/useful product that they did not think of inventing themselves in the first minute, then they try to explore and experiment with it on their fingers/hair/toes in the second minute, then they get someone close to join them in the experiment and having two persons holding one rubber band leads to more possibilities of fun in the third minute, then in the fourth minute the novelty of it started to wear off and somehow that piece of band starts to inflict pain/hurt in some way .. and in the fifth minute, without realising it, that piece of thing that amuses us became the very thing that pisses us off.

….. does that sound exactly like … falling in love? *grins*

over the past years of going through love challenges myself, plus hearing and seeing what is happening around me, i have always shared with those around me “not to rubber band themselves” when dealing with sticky issues in their relationships. they will usually give me that confused look or that longer-than-usual uncomfortable silence, followed by “huh?” (haha, priceless expression). so this is usually what comes out from my mouth …

” … love is like rubber band. it is simple and uncomplicated, until we pick it up. then we think if others can make it useful for them, why not for us right? so we start playing with it, and realize quickly how much potential this thing have. then we decide that its probably more fun if someone else is holding to it too! can expand more, has more potential and all that creative possibilities! so one rubber band with two hands … all fun at first. until someone decides to let go, or to walk the other direction. or until both gets entangled in rubber band mess. either way, trust me, that piece of rubber band will turn into the most lethal weapon mankind will ever know. it will end up hurting both parties since both are all tangled up, or it gets worse when someone lets go suddenly because it snaps back to our faces or theirs. so learn to let go when it is time to let go. do not rubber-band ourselves and let it snap in our faces. we picked it up, so learn to put it down. and we must learn and accept that when we let the rubber band come into our life, we have to be responsible for it together and make decisions together at the same time. its just plain selfish to let that rubber band go, knowing the impact of it on the other party. and do not ever try to overstretch it. the result is often something bad. do not hang on to it just for the sake of it. let it down now, and pick it up again when you are ready to …”

yup, so this is what i call “the rubber band theory” =)

simply because i had breakfast in the morning with CC! and that started my day just right … *dreamy* … well, actually, breakfasts are my most favourite-test meal of the day! unfortunately waking up for them is such a huge challenge for me! yep, i love breakfasts yet i cant wake up early for them. and this gets weirder – i wake up really early on vacations because i love those breakfasts spread in the hotels. YUM-MEH!

sometimes CC turns to me and say that its weird how i can wake up real early on vacations, yet she literally have to drag me out of bed for breakfast dates on any normal day! i mean, if we really think about it, shouldnt it be the other way around? hahahaha! oh well, that is me .. being me. i do wonder at times too. i really do. but until now, absolutely no answer for it *shrugs*

so, we planned for swensens breakfast actually, but we didnt realise that they are not open for breakfast on weekdays! grrr. we should have just gone to the airport instead of “trying our luck” so sad .. i was soo looking forward to a hearty breakfast with CC at swensens! but oh well … i should try my best to wake up really early so that we can squeeze brekkie together before work starts, someday. hee.

images from www.swensens.com.sg

speaking of breakfasts and having this “thing” for it, i do have a favourite breakfast item that i usually look for in the menu. when they hand the menu to me, i will scan briefly and try my best to see if they serve it.. and if they do, i do not even look at other items! hahaha! unless they dont, then i will take another 5-10 minutes to decide .. else im rather easy to please =)

those who knows me pretty well and goes on eating “trips” with me, will definitely know that im always on the “search for the best caesar salad” journey … and they will also know that besides that, i am on the “search for the best eggs benedict” journey too! however, i havent had the time to keep “searching” for them now…. sheesh. i think i might just have to start the search all over again! but hey, im not complaining! fooooood, here i come ….!!

ps : so far, the eggs ben set from the coffee bean & tea leaf, had me craving for more … *hungry* …. try it!

image from flickr.com/photos/uchu75/

…. oh and by the way, i stumbled upon a fantastic, gastronomical delightful and beautifully taken pictures of food! THE PICTURE ABOVE IS TAKEN BY HER! this lady makes me really hungry with all the photos of the food around her =) click HERE to understand what i mean! superb, i tell you!

oh. i better let her know that her picture is in here. and missyglutton, please be gentle with me =) *keeps fingers crossed* … okay, gonna try my luck now!

one of my favourites is 21 guns. it has this grunge-melancholic-slow-punkish-rock feel to it, and i totally enjoyed it! and of course the lyrics, which made the song even better =) however, on the recent road trip, i heard a new version of this song … with a woman’s voice! *gasp* and i hated it! truly hated that the whole original feel was gone. grr.

HOWEVER! i watched the grammys this year and heard the musical version and.. surprise surprise! i actually loved it! its so eerily haunting and performed live on stage is like whoa! nice. sooper-ooper nice! so then i realised that probably the radio version with the female voice is not the same as this musical version they performed. hmmm.

and today! the irritating boy insisted that i clicked on this link and watched it. and i have watched it at least 5times!

cant wait for the musical to swing by here! enjoy this version of this great song! CLICK NOW!

looking at my previous todolists, im ashamed to say that i STILL have not done some of the things i listed. however, i DID some other things that was not on the list – does that count? sheesh, february seems like such a mess!

alright, let me see …

… sports therapy is STILL going on but i have been kinda naughty and inconsistent with the daily exercises that im supposed to be doing, but good news is that the braces are off and i can use just one crutch now =)

… messy eyebrows are STILL messy! gosh, i didnt even have time to go threading? okay wait. i think i had the time, but i just didnt have the transport. it really doesnt make sense for me to travel all the way north in a cab, just to get my eyebrows done right? need to pester my brother to send me there… soon!

… that freelance job is currently no more in existence. how sad. boohoo. i was just getting used to all the SEO thingy and then the company decides to stop our contract. was it cutting cost? or was it simply unplanned hasty management decision? oh well. so no more waking up early to “work” consistently… for now.

… i was supposed to get a haircut and colour before CNY right? well, i didnt. BUT i did get my hair trimmed last week! no colour though, i thought i will try to live with that patch of white hair near my temples – wisdom hair. LOL!

… didnt finish two books, in fact i finished three! added to myreads already *yay* but i havent written about it yet. its all in drafts now … halfway -.-

… my holga is STILL black! yes yes, i promised to “pimp it up” and soon i will!

… my weight is still unknown and perhaps im in denial to find out anyway. deep down i know that i need to know but that can wait, yes? well, over the past weeks, those around me have mentioned something about “lost some weight” so i hope their eyes are not playing tricks. im keeping my fingers crossed!

… learning french is not easy when we have noone to practise with – slowly but surely. im trying to learn and remember THREE words/phrases on a daily basis. im using the audio cd as well as the phrasebook that comes with it. bought it sooo long time ago and used it only once. but now, im using it again!

… i DID get out of the house more often – in fact, i head up to batu pahat and kuala lumpur too! hehe! i wrote about the trips so you will find out more… but again, currently its in my drafts. will publish it soon

… I DRANK MORE WATER! yippe! *pats own shoulder*

… i did not learn more about my canon gee-ten BUT i learnt more about photoshop editting!

… i threw away nonsense that was occupying space!

okay, so now, it is march … and besides following up on those items above, there are some things that i need to do this month!

todolist – march

(1) bring my big butt down to the community club and sign up for that course ASAP!

(2) do LOTS of leg exercises and try to go swim! why? because i MAY just be gung-ho and go diving in april!

(3) collect my certificates from the training school and make copies of them for my resume.

(4) follow-up on that herbal medication prescription that was given to me last week. eew. hate those drinks.

alright, i think thats all for now. with these new added things, i do have quite a handful to do (no thanks to previous months items) … noones fault but mine.

sheesh. will update soon.

ARGH!! SO MANY DRAFTS TO COMPLETE!!

tsk.